i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize