Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
