wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
