It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
