Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
