How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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