the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
