I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Text me some of your sweat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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