**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So apparently I’m into choking now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
