idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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