just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
