the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He felt like a one man threesome
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
