so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
