i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
