apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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