Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
