I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
