She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
