Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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