I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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