the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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