Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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