Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
