I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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