we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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