I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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