I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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