Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
