AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
