It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
