I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
