You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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