I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
