I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
