1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
