i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
