if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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