Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
