when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My vagina is officially offended.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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