In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
