I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He shit in the fireplace
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
