Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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