I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
