You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i love accidental penises.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
