It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
