i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
