SEEEEXXX PLEASE
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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