I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
