Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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