I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was born a porn star she said
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
