put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
