ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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