woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Too much gin, very little bucket
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
