In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
