My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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