ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
