Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They have beer where we have blood.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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