He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
