you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
