its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
