so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
