you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
