i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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