I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
