i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
