no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
