Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
