How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
