he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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