I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
