Got a toothbrush?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Help. Why am I so naked?
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