Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
