My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
