I wanna bring you to show and tell
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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