I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
